‘EATING HER 101’ : How Not To Go Down On a Girl – A Guy’s Tutorial !!

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1. Don’t approach it like you are doing her a favor. You’re going down on her, not reluctantly skipping your fantasy sports game to go to her zitty cousin’s graduation dinner at Pizzeria Uno. Do not break from kissing and slink down towards her vag cav with one of those “This is why I’m your hero, baby” looks that’s enough to break the Official Alec Baldwin Smarm-Meter. Think back to your twelve-year-old self staring at pixelated versions of what you are doing right now; you’re lucky this woman’s letting you put your mouth on her babymaker.

2. No need to over-salivate, brah. Too much wetness means no friction, and no friction means that her clitoris is swimming in the Dead Marshes of Mordor from Lord of the Rings rather than being properly stimulated. Also, you guys are going to have to sleep in this bed afterwards, aren’t you? Hope you like sleeping in a spit-bog!

3. Not too much chin, please. Overly-chinny oral sex for women is like overly-toothy oral sex for men. Unless you have a vibrator for a chin, in which case I am officially optioning your life rights for a sitcom called FrankenHusband, keep your chin out of my vagina.

4. Do not be blithely unaware that your beard hurts, sir! That 5 o’clock shadow that looked super-hot on you while we were at dinner does not feel hot when it is brushing against the sensitive petals of a lady’s Wonder Orchid™. Furthermore, spin class with crotchal beard-burn hurts like a motherfucker. Be more considerate! At least you’re not Paul Bunyan — he had copious facial hair plus a proportionally-huge dong. (Weirdly, you never hear any home-spun Americana folklore about the numerous weary, limping normal-sized human women doing the early-morning walk of shame out of Paul Bunyan’s house.)

5. Don’t add. Just maintain. When an oral-sex-receiving woman is making noises like she is enjoying herself, which triggers a bullhorn-decibel yell in the male brain: “Oh, she likes the gentle circular motion of my tongue on her clitoris? Let me add some weirdly hard fingering from this angle down here that sucks!” Don’t listen to that dude on the bullhorn. He’s lying to you. Keep doing exactly what you’re doing, sans bells and whistles.

6. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of that super-rough mid-cunnilingus fingering, what the hell is that? Fingering can be glorious for ladies because it can find and stimulate a tiny area better than a penis can. This is the precise opposite of artlessly jamming two or three fingers into a girl really hard just because she is getting wet from your awesome tongue skillz — which actually defeats the purpose of said tongue skillz. Unless the purpose was to make her feel like a clogged garbage disposal. If I wanted something in there at this point, it would be your penis.

7. Do not go into the 69 position without a confirmed yes.Nothing is more jarring than floating in oral sex land with your eyes closed and then suddenly feeling a dick bang against your teeth. Of course oral sex should be given mutually, but there is no requirement that it has to be at the precise same time. Some girls like it, others don’t. Just make sure she’s into it beforehand, and if she’s not, don’t pressure her.

8. Don’t cartoon cat-lick it. Like you’re lapping from a saucer of cream. It’s just weird.

9. Don’t look up at us to gauge our orgasmic progress. It is pretty common knowledge that men like watching women blow them, even going so far as to pull their hair back to get a better view (which inevitably snags on their watch and that’s why I am partly bald in front today JKJK!). However, looking down and seeing this:

Is an awesome way to make women lose their orgasm and burst out laughing — or at least want to. Just keep your head down, soldier.

10. Never go down on a woman after you have both just watched Pulp Fiction. Specifically, the part where Bruce Willis’ creepy sex daughter, or whatever the hell she is, asks him to give her “oral pleasure.” Ugh. Shudders all around.

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The point of sharing this?

A lot of bad people are using nude pictures to scam innocent people especially white men and women. If they lay their hands on your naked pictures they can use it as a scam material to aid them in their bad adventures. When your naked pictures are uploaded here you can contact us for removal so far you have proof! Pictures and Videos removed from this site is free! WE DONT charge a DINE

If Ladies could listen to our advice, it will be to their own good because guys are not what they always appears when in happy mood. They turn to show different colours when they are bitter. And giving your nude pictures to your guy will not make him love you more. It rather puts your hand in his mouth as when you hit him on the head, he will have no option than to bit you. A word to a wise lady.

Oh yeah we do try our best to keep you guys informed with what is going around you. And yeah this should serve as a lesson to everyone especially the female reader. Your past can hunt you this should preach, never use your today to kill your future.

My take: Never ever on any circumstance allow yourself to be video taped in any form whatsoever in the name of love or fun. the consequences can be really disastrous! Beware!

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