First Time With An Ashawo| My Confession

 

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Yes, I slept with an Ashawo and I paid with MY money.  I’m so sorry if you’re disappointed in me but it was not totally my fault.

It was raining and I was driving through Ijede road(ikorodu lagos) listening to Jamie Fox’s “Blame it” when I saw her standing under the rain. If you were in my shoes what would you have done? Leave another Nigerian in the rain?

Have you not read the story of the Good Samaritan?

I picked her and took her home but after that night, my conscience wouldn’t let me be and it was my first time (Conscience calls out, “Hendrix?!?”) Okay maybe my second time but it was just two times and my conscience wouldn’t just free me whereas there are people reading this note with their ashawo on speed dial.

Talking about my conscience, a lot has been going on in my head of recent and they are driving me crazy.

Seriously, I think am going mad.  I’m not about to catch trips on mad people but these days thoughts and images fly around in my head and I’ve started wondering if that’s what qualifies someone as mad?  If you are reading this and you’ve been mad before, please pardon me.

At what point do you remove your cloth? Which comes first, moving out of the house and moving into the bus stop or running after cars?

I’m sure the random thoughts come first and that means I may just be at the first stage….Chai, Chineke biko!

Seriously speaking, I don’t want to go mad and I need your prayers. People, forgive me for what I’ve done but pray for me so that these thoughts can leave my head.

Now back to the issue at hand, recently I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and this started after my first second night with an Ashawo .

She is what our modern girls call “Runs” but while it appears to be an insult to refer to someone as an Ashawo, it’s fashionably correct to refer to someone as a “Runs girl” . *SMH*

Back in the good ol’ days, when Ashawo work used to be the pride of some states.  (Namely….) The day you decide to do ashawo work is the same day that you move into a brothel.

Most brothels were designed in a “Face me, I face you” style with about 10 rooms on both sides facing each other.  Each room consists of a small window, covered by a red curtain, a slim door with a red curtain, 3 nails on the wall, bright blue or red bulb (that’s why they are called Ashawo bulbs) and a mat or wooden bed depending on the location of the brothel.

Ashawo joints were known and they were sincere with their chosen career. They didn’t drive cars but they could afford small stout and cigarette.

Unlike those days, modern day ashawos operate from different places and in different ways.

Some operate from our higher institutions (with or without admission letters), some have their pictures in different hotels over the world, some stand by the roadside, some operate from their father’s houses, some serve as nannies during the day and “Runs chics” at night, some work in hair dressing salons during the day, some do only “Home service”…

The list is endless but while Ashawo’s are sincere, Runs Chics are not but seriously whether you refer to yourself as an Ashawo or Runs chic, “Ashawo work na Ashawo no matter what you drive” ask M.I.

However my thoughts has got noffing to do with where they operate from or what they do during the day, I only want you to tell me why my head keeps wondering about them:

Random thought 1
How come Ashawos’ don’t get nominated for National Honours even though some of them are known to have serviced sitting presidents and the likes?  Are they not being cheated? Service is service period and once you’ve served you should be recognised.  I think a commission should be set up to fight for this right and in next couple of years we should be seeing National Honours like Ms Cynthia George, AFRN (Ashawo Federal Republic of Nigeria).

Random thought 2
If an Ashawo is filling out a UK Visa entry form or any form at all, when she gets to that part that says; “State your source of income ?”  What will she write? My body? Is that not being sincere? Should she not be given Visa for being real?

Random thought 3
What should be the basis on which to retire from this job? Age? Experience? Years in active practise? Considering the fact that some people do it while still in school shouldn’t that be added to their years of experience while applying for jobs that requires 3 or 4 years of experience or there about?

Random thought 4
Why can’t government regulate their fees? I mean it’s the same thing na. I think it should be same price across board. How come it’s more expensive on the Island than the Mainland? I mean that’s what’s obtainable in the case of Lagos state?

Random thought 5
Don’t you think that it would be better to relocate all of them to one community and a BRT bus attached to the community? That way we won’t have people doing it from schools and the likes.

Random thought 6
Since they operate in cities and make use of the amenities shouldn’t they be paying taxes? Somebody receives his salary, gives it to an Ashawo who don’t even submit a PO? Is that not cheating? Don’t you think somebody is cheating somebody and if somebody does not speak up then somebody will keep cheating somebody.  If you pay, hold back your tax, jor.

Random thought 7
Don’t you think all Ashawos should have an ID card representing their zones? I think Okada people are not allowed to operate in certain areas without paying a particular fee; should that not apply to Ashawo work? Do you know how many Nigerian girls go to Dubai to work? Should they not go and identify themselves on entering the country like “Hello, my name na Peace, I follow man come. How much be una international fee for here”? The ID card will make people sleep better sef.  If you sleep with an Ashhi and she audi with your money, all you need to do is go to her zone office and report her.

Random thought 8
Should one trust and use the condom provided by the Ashawo ?

And final Random thought.
….We’re all aware that Christ died in-between the two thieves but how come Nigerian girls want to suffocate him the second time by placing the crucifix in-between two large sagging boobs?

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