Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

You may love the person you’re with, or you may just like them. You can even hate them. No matter how you feel about your partner, and no matter what gender you are, you are still susceptible to being abused mentally or physically.

The definitions of abuse

Mental abuse is defined as a person causing another person to experience mental harm that can cause psychological trauma (anxiety, depression, PTSD, and batter wife syndrome etc.).

Physical abuse is defined as a physical force caused by a person that is directed at another which results in harm.

How you may react to abuse

A common reaction to this happening to you in your relationship would be for you to rationalize it, or to be too scared. You may even feel stuck in the relationship to the point where you feel like you can’t leave.

Some other reactions could be depression, anxiety, illness, severe stress, chest pain, strokes, weight loss/gain, changes in your skin, changes in your hair, or even changes in your emotional behavior.

The honeymoon phase…It’s a trap

Even if your partner says they are sorry and then resorts back to the honeymoon phase of your relationship after they have been abusive to you, it doesn’t mean the abuse will stop there. It also doesn’t mean that what they did is okay because they tried to make it up to you.

What this phase means is that what they did will happen again, and it will only continue to get worse.

After every incident, the honeymoon phase will occur again providing you with false hope and a false sense of security. During this phase, your partner will buy you gifts, treat you like royalty, and will apologize profusely. They will even make broken promises just to win you back and make you stay.

In reality, this stage is part of the endless cycle of abuse. It starts off with the honeymoon phase (after their latest act of abuse), and things are great. It then leads to some tension and small issues. Finally, a major act of abuse will occur, and you will be going through the turmoil of it. That is, until the honeymoon phase returns.

This endless cycle is a trap, and it is very dangerous as the abuse will only increase in its severity which will put your health at even greater risk as time goes by.

The important questions, and the harsh reality

It is important to ask yourself “am I in an abusive relationship?”. I am not saying every single person in the world needs to ask themselves this, but only people who think they might be in this situation should ask themselves this.

Of course, every relationship has its ups and downs, but arguments and issues in a relationship are normal and should not leave you wondering if your partner is abusive. It is important to remember the differences between arguments and issues and abuse.

If it does make you wonder if you are in an abusive relationship, then that is not right, and you may be in one. If you do think that after an issue, then chances are you should also take this quiz to see if you are in an abusive relationship.

Read on to take YouQueens quiz to find out if you are in an abusive relationship, and to find out who you can contact for help.

The Quiz

While taking the quiz record the points beside the answer you choose, and remember to be honest, no matter how hard it may be for you.

1. Do you feel anxious/nervous when you’re around your partner, or like you are walking on egg shells?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

2. Do you monitor what you are doing to avoid making your partner angry/upset?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

3. Do you feel like you have to have sex with your partner? Does he force you to have sex with him? Or are you coerced into having sex with your partner?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

4. Are you afraid of expressing a different opinion/viewpoint/belief than your partners because you are scared of his reaction?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

5. Does your partner criticize/embarrass you in front of friends, family, colleges, or strangers?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

6. Does your partner check up on you to see what you’ve been doing, and not believe your response in an angry manner?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

7. Is your partner jealous and accuse you of having affairs in an angry manner, or accuse you of doing something you didn’t do?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

8. Does your partner tell you that they’ll stop beating you when you start behaving/acting right?
• No (0 points)
• Yes (2 points)

9. Have you stopped seeing your friends/family because of your partner’s behavior or because your partner makes you do this?
• No (0 points)
• Yes (2 points)

10. Does your partner’s behavior make you feel like you’re wrong?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

11. Does your partner threaten you?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

12. Do you try to please your partner instead of making yourself happy to avoid his behavior?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

13. Does your partner keep you from going out/doing things you want to do?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

14. Do you feel as if nothing you do is good enough for your partner due to their crude/angry/tense reaction?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

15. Does your partner say that if you try to leave them, you will never see your children again?
No (o points)
• Yes (2 points)

16. Does your partner say that if you try to leave, they will kill themselves or you?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

17. Is there always an excuse for your partner’s horrible behavior? (i.e. drugs, alcohol, joking, bad day at work etc.)
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

18. Do you lie to your family, friends, and doctor about your injuries (i.e. bruises, cuts, scratches, marks, broken bones etc.)?
• No (0 points)
• Yes (2 points)

19. Does your partner tell you how to behave/answer people?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

20. Do they keep tabs on you wherever you go?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

21. Do they tell you what to wear?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

22. Does your partner call you insulting/derogatory/degrading names? Do they insult you?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

23. Do they control various aspects of your life?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

24. Do they hit/harm you?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

25. When in arguments do they hit/break things surrounding them?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

26. Does your partner tell you what to do and when to do it?
• No (0 points)
• Sometimes (1 point)
• Often (2 points)
• Always (3 points)

The Results

Now that you have taken the quiz, and have recorded your results, look at the number you have.

0-26 points – Not in an abusive relationship

27-46 points – There is a tendency in your relationship to turn into an abusive one

47-78 points – You are in an abusive relationship

What to do if you are in an abusive relationship

If you are in an abusive relationship, it will be tough, and you may even feel conflicted about getting help as your situation is complicated. People who are financially independent, severely abused, have kids, or feel stuck in their relationship tend to not know if they should get help.

In the end, it is up to you if you choose to get help. However, it is always beneficial to tell your friends, the police, your doctor, or to just call a shelter asking for help. Once you do this you can start being safe, and start the road to recovery so you can enjoy your life.