Relationship Expectations: How To Avoid The Disappointment

Knowing what you want out of a relationship is important. If you don’t know what you want, it is something you should give some serious thought to before getting seriously involved with someone.

However, you have to make sure that your expectations regarding your relationship and your significant other are rational. Knowing what you want is the most important step you need to take in order to create the life you want to live.

Whether you know that one day you’ll want marriage and a family, or whether you want it right now, expectations are usually a good thing if they are based in reality.

Having very rigid, very high expectations can also hinder a relationship. Sometimes expectations can run too high and if that happens, it causes distress and disappointment.

It’s important to balance your expectations within the context of both your relationship and reality. Expect them to remember your three-month anniversary but don’t expect a trip to Cuba for it. That’s a little much.

Balancing relationship expectations is not something that is easy to do, but it is something we can learn to do.

Be fearless and know what you want

Some of the best ways to find out what you want is by the process of elimination. In other words, finding out what you don’t want helps you narrow down what you do.

By getting out in the dating game and going on a few dates you will be able to know with more certainty what you want from your life and what you want from a potential partner. The great thing about expectations is that they are a way you can ensure that you’re working towards your goals.

Despite your age, it’s always good to have this in the back of your mind because there’s no chance you’ll get what you want from life if you’re constantly settling for ‘good enough’. So be fearless and honest in saying and pursuing what it is you want from life.

Bad relationship expectations

Relationship expectations can get out of hand somewhat easily. Sometimes your expectations can put too much pressure on a date which is never good. We all have (sometimes purely subconscious) expectations of a person before we even meet them.

But those preformulated expectations can hurt a potential relationship. For example, if you expect them to be wealthy, handsome, and buy you dinner every night, and spend every waking hour with you, you might want to recheck your expectations. Ask yourself if your expectations are based in reality. This goes for a first date or the 100th date.

Expectations don’t always work for us sometimes they work against us. They can cause disappointment. And they’re not always based on the context of circumstances. It’s better to expect a date to be kind and compassionate rather than expecting they look exactly like Channing Tatum.

Their looks, career, and material assets shouldn’t be the deciding factor in whether or not a relationship will work out.

Expectations and fooling yourself

One aspect of relationship expectations that many people have trouble with  is expecting the people you date to be as honest, hard-working, empathetic as you yourself are.

All this ends in heartbreak. Sometimes we expect the people we are with to be as caring and to show their affection for us, in the same way we show ours.

This, unfortunately, leads to a lot of misunderstanding and heartache. By expecting someone to be as honest as you are you’re setting yourself up to be hurt. It is important to remember that other people see the world in a different way than you do. Some people don’t like to communicate on a regular basis, which can be frustrating for someone who does.

But that goes along with the territory. Everyone is different; your partner is no different. Some people like country music, others can’t stand it. We’re all different and you have to remember that they may not show affection in the same way that you do. And unfortunately, it is important to remember that your partner may not be as honest or forthright as you are.

It is the same when it comes to teaching an old dog new tricks. You can’t go into a relationship expecting your potential match to change for you. If you do this, you are fooling yourself into thinking you can change someone. You’re saying this person isn’t good enough as they are, and that’s no way to start a relationship. Nine times out of ten people don’t change unless they want to.

If your new babe likes everything about you but your taste in music, that’s fine. But if they expect you to stop listening to your music for them, that’s something that isn’t okay. When in any relationship you need to be aware of your own bias and expectations. Everyone is different and expecting total honesty from someone is not realistic but it is also an expectation that can get you hurt in the long run.

Being “perfect”

Chances are, you’re very much in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You see them through rose-colored glasses and any flaws that other people can see, you can’t. You believe you’re both meant to be together and you act in accordance with that belief.

You’re theirs and they’re yours. It’s as simple as that, right? Well, no, it’s usually much more complicated than that. First and foremost, whoever you’re in a relationship with is an independent party who has had a life before you. They had their own triumphs, adversity, insecurities, problems and beliefs. You can’t expect them to be perfect.

Perfectionism is an illusion. Just as you can’t expect your significant other to have the same relationship expectations you do, you can’t expect them to be the model SO at all times. This is an expectation that will infallibly let you down and it’s really is just a matter of when.

The best thing you can do is accept your partner as they are, with their flaws and imperfections clearly visible.

Standards and relationship expectations

Standards and expectations are different things. The expectation is based primarily on what you believe the other person “can” or “should” or “does” do for you. Standards, on the other hand, are requirements, qualities, morals, habits, and/or ethics that you as an individual deem inherent in any acceptable person.

For example, most people would expect their date to be polite even if a waiter happens to get their order wrong. You expect them to act civilly. That is a standard. Your standards should always be high but when it comes to expectations, you need to keep in mind realistic expectations.

But standards and expectations shouldn’t be lowered just because you expect to date someone who looks exactly like your favorite movie star. That being said, expectations have to be based in reality. Expecting your boyfriend or girlfriend of seven months to take you on an all-expenses-paid trip to Paris is an unrealistic expectation and one that will most likely let you down.

Perfectly imperfect

Expectations, even reasonable ones, will not always be met and you will end up disappointed. It’s just a fact of life. Disappointment comes and goes, but like everything else, it needs to be balanced. Expectations need to be balanced with reality. And disappointment needs to be balanced with successful fulfillment of expectations and needs.

Your sweetheart may not always be able to meet your expectations. Maybe they get you the wrong gift or forget an important event, but you will not always be able to meet theirs either. We are all perfectly imperfect creatures roaming around this earth trying to better ourselves. And sometimes we fail.

Keeping this in mind will help negate the disappointment when they forget your anniversary or your birthday. People make mistakes all the time especially when life gets intolerably busy. So, don’t pretend to be perfect, no one is. Don’t settle for “good enough” but keep your expectations grounded in reality.