1. Get Curious
The first thing to do if you want to heat things up is to get curious. Lovemaking is an art. Seduction is an art. Go online or to your local bookstore and start researching what books are the best to read for some inspiration.
Watch some burlesque to learn from the masters of tease. Find inspiration reading about courtesans and harems. Get your girlfriends together and talk about experiences in the bedroom—the good, the bad and the ugly. The more you know about sex, the more confident you will feel about it—and confidence is sexy.
By being curious, chances are you’ll also drop some of your inhibitions. If you are with a man you love, sex is nothing more than a way of showing affection in an exciting and pleasurable manner. And, if you choose to have sex simply for pleasure—so long as you don’t let the pleasure lead you astray—there’s nothing more human.
Sex is good for your mental and your physical health. The important thing is to see it from a good view and know the difference between love and lust, as well as when you are using lust to numb pain.
2. Get a Handle
A good hand job is always appreciated. There are as many techniques as there are men, but there are some classics as well as general advice easily accessible online. Google it.
Also, talk to your man. Ask him how he likes it. Without knowing what he wants, how can you do a good job? Whilst it’s great to surprise him with new techniques, you also need his feedback. That goes for anything in the bedroom; combine surprises with chats about what you both like.
3. Going Down
It’s been said that for a good Valentine’s Day, you need to serve your man a steak and a blowjob the day before. Of course, this is a good old joke, but it has some truth in it: most men love blowjobs; a lot of them like steak too or at least a great meal—just like you would likely not mind him serving you a great meal and then treating you to a sensual experience!
As with hand jobs, you will find a plethora of tips, tricks and techniques online for blowjobs. Google it. If you feel insecure, practice on a cucumber when you know nobody’s watching – especially not the neighbors. I’ve even seen classes on blowjobs in London where the women had to practice on cucumbers!
4. Let Him Lust for it
Next time you are just about to step out of the car and head into some function, give him a really hot kiss and feel him up a bit—then leave him lusting for more. You can do this at any time you know that there is no way you’ll have sex straight after.
To make him lust for it, you can also send him a text when he’s at work, or any time when you are apart, telling him that you just can’t wait to rip his clothes off… or do whatever it is you are thinking about doing.
When you are in the same room—a room filled with people—tell him that you are suddenly feeling really turned on by him. Ask him if he wants to know exactly what you are thinking. If he says yes, send him little texts throughout the event with more details.
Again, make sure this is somewhere where you really can’t have sex like your mother’s birthday party, lunch with friends in a restaurant, or a job function of his. Also, make sure it’s a place where he doesn’t mind a bit of distraction. If he’s meeting his new boss for the first time, this is not the time to send him dirty texts!
5. Go on a Sexcation
Get in the car and drive off somewhere for the weekend with the full intention of exploring your sex life. Pack your sexiest underwear.
Whisper to each other for a few weeks about what sex fantasies you want to live out. If there are no sex fantasies to live out, simply whisper about having sex.
You might also have fantasies that you don’t want to live out. Most men fantasize about other women without having any intention of having sex with them. It’s just in their biological make up. Don’t deny your guy a good fantasy; indulge him in it.
6. Deepen Intimacy
Sex, ultimately, is about the merging of two people—the deeper that merge goes, the more incredible the experience.
There are practices, such as tantra, that are all about deepening the connection—mental as well as physical. Try it out. Read a few different books about the sacred art of tantra, and explore new practitioners of tantra-related practices like Shakti Milan, David Deida and Nicole Daedon (who invented Orgasmic Meditation).
Further increase intimacy by truly being present in the moment with your lover. Dare for him to see all of you. Let him look into your soul.
You can also try things like renting a cabin for a weekend, and spending the entire weekend in silence together. See how you can communicate without words.
7. Make Him Feel Like a Sexy Beast
Nagging has never led to a happy relationship. Praise, however, has. When your man does something you like, tell him so—both in the bedroom and in everyday life.
Compliment him on his muscles. Tell him you love his intellectual side or adore his laughter. Make him feel treasured. The more confident you make him feel, the more confident he will be with you in bed. The more of a stud he feels like, the more he will want to have sex with you because you make him feel so good!
