He said that he doesn’t want to a relationship, but he hopes that you will be in each others’ lives for a long time. She said that she loves him, but she thinks that she said it too soon…. Do we really say what we mean? Do they really hear what we are saying? Are we even on the same page?
Remember those stupid English exercises that our teachers used to make us do, like diagramming sentences? Remember how we thought that it was so pointless, and we would never use it in the real world?
Well, you should go back and thank that teacher, because today we are going to be using some of that good ‘ole useless knowledge to decipher “he said, she said.”
Miscommunications
The guy you are just dying to become the next Mrs. Forever with said he does not want a relationship, but he is willing to see where this thing goes. How do you interpret that?
If you are like most women, you see it as he is insecure and afraid of being hurt, so he is throwing the clause out there: “No relationship, but I’m in.”
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Is that what he REALLY said, though?
You can’t help but play detective, and delve into your investigation. You find yourself reading back through text messages and social media, looking for clues as to his true feelings.
You’re hoping that there is some coded message that only you can read. After all, you know that you are the one, but something just doesn’t add up.
Could it be that you are filling in the blanks for him? Adding in words and emotions that he didn’t quite clearly convey. We have a tendency to do that.
Even professional investigators do that in crimes that they are trying to solve. However, according to experts, people say what they mean, and mean what they say.
Hey, I’m not criticizing you! I’ve been there: looking over the words, seeing if we are on the same page, waiting for that White Wonderful Day that leads us down the aisle with Mr. Awesome Pants….
What is he really saying in his texts
Here is an excerpt from a personal text of mine. This Lusty Lover was my #1 squeeze—the one I put my life on hold for a year for, hoping that he was “The One.” Thinking a year had been a long enough time for him to decide, I put it to him bluntly!
Me: Okay, I want to know a few things. So suck it up, buttercup.
Loverboy: : ) scared to ask what you want to know!
Me: why would you be scared?
Loverboy: Was just joking baby!
Me: lol.. I thought you might finally confess you are afraid of me… What I want to know is, “Are you interested in me?”
Loverboy: No baby not scared! And yes interested!
Notice that not once did he use ANY personal reference to himself? Or to me?
Me: Are you afraid to love? (be loved and give love.. the hurt that could come from
it)
Loverboy: A little. Bit more just know what an undertaking and what is involved in trying to make things work. And already have so much going on i dont have that kind of availability without compromising other things I cant compromise like my kids right now. I don’t like to do anything half ass
Again, no use of personal pronouns until it gets to the heart of the matter.
Me: Are you insecure?
Loverboy: No more than anyone else and less than most. Do I appear insecure?
Me: Yes.
Loverboy: How so?
Me: From looking back over this last year, I think you hide behind your circumstances to protect yourself.
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