Many women find that right after they get married they are pressured and are inundated by the expectation to have children. Many women feel that it is expected of them to have children right away.
In today’s society there is a stigma that women must have kids and if they don’t they are a failure of a wife and also as a woman.
However, that is not the case, and this stigma needs to end. It is a women’s choice to have children, not the rest of the worlds.
Even if these newly wed women do want kids, but are waiting for a short while, the pressure to have children is still something that should not exist.
This pressure that is being put on them from friends, family, in-laws, neighbors, and colleagues is something that can ruin or put a strain on their marriage.
Not to mention that it can also provide them with a massive internal struggle that will be bothering and harming them and their relationship.
This leaves many women wondering how to deal with the pressures to have children after marriage.
After all, not only are they enjoying their newlywed status, but they are also busy with work and everything else that is part of their life.
The last thing anyone needs, even at any stage in life is to be inundated with pressures that are not necessary from people. Especially, since this is a private and personal decision.
The best way to look at this is to look at what women want. Some women want children, and some do not.
Others, maybe unsure if they want children, and are waiting, whereas other women know they want children but are struggling to conceive.
Lastly, there are women who do want children but are also waiting for a while for other reasons.
Regardless of what the scenario is for that person, the very last thing they need is to feel pressured and to continue to have to deal with people who are pressuring them.
Let’s end the stigma that women need to start having children once they are married. Let’s end the stigma that women also must have kids to be a woman, and that they must have kids to be a good wife.
None of those are true, and the pressure to have kids needs to stop. It is the woman’s choice, and it is between her and her husband.
If a woman does not want to have children that does not make her any less of the amazing person she is.
It just means she knows what she wants, and is brave enough to do this. However, a woman should not be viewed as brave because she won’t have kids.
A woman should just be able to make a choice that suits her without having ramifications or judgment and views placed on her.
Hopefully, as time carries on, women will be free to make this decision without having to deal with society as it does not matter what she chooses, because it is her choice, and she deserves to be happy.
Read on to learn YouQueens guide for how to deal with the pressure to have kids as soon as you get married.
Step 1: Self-reflection
You need to be honest with yourself, what you want, and what you feel is best for you. Although you are married and your husband is your teammate and best friend, amongst other things.
You must first be real with you and only you. By doing this, you can figure out what you truly want without feeling pressured, or unsure, or even confused while talking with your husband about it before you even fully have an idea of where you see yourself.
Once you do this, make a mental note of all the pros and cons to what you are feeling, and make sure you are thinking of where you stand and of what you want.
Don’t think for the two of you, you can do that after. Come back to what you were thinking a week later and see if anything has changed and how you feel about it.
Step 2: Be a team
Once you are sure of what you truly want, then you tell your husband all about your thoughts and where you stand.
However, since you both are a team, he may share the same views, have completely different ones, or may make suggestions where you both revisit this discussion in a year.
Either way, you both will need to discuss this in depth and fully. It may go very well, or it may become very messy and it will put a slight strain on your marriage.
However, you both are strong, and with lots of discussions, you will both get through this.
You must remember that as much as the two of you are a team, you will need to stand strong on your decision.
Keep in mind that as much as this is your choice, you are married and you may have to compromise slightly.
Most women find that the compromise they do with their husband is that they agree to discuss and revisit this topic again in the future in case either them, or their husband changes their mind.
Step 3: Who to tell
If you and your husband chose to wait for a while to have kids, decide you don’t want them, are unsure of your feelings, or are struggling to conceive, who you tell and what you tell them is up to you and your husband.
The choice you and your husband chose will be the right one because you both know each other, and your options the best.
This step can go three ways. You can either tell everyone (colleagues, friends, family) your decision.
You can also choose to only tell family your decision and a few close friends (if you want). Or, you can choose to tell no one and to keep this a very private matter as it is personal.
The key to this step is that once you chose who you’re telling, and what you are telling them, you need to stick to your guns.
Meaning, you both need to stay on board with your plan and stress the fact that you are firm in your decision and need them to stop pressuring you because it is your decision, not theirs.
You may also want to mention the effects that this pressure is putting on you and your husband just as a method to reinforce the fact that they must stop.
The decision you and your husband chose will be the one that will take the pressure off of you, him, and will suit your lifestyle.
It is up to the both of you, and you shouldn’t feel bad about doing this as this is something that will help your marriage start off on the right foot.
Step 4: Enforcement
As tough as this may sound, it is necessary. If your friends and family continue to pressure you even after step 3, then this part is a must.
You and your husband must enforce your decision by making sure that the people you tell, stop pressuring you. Even if they stop for a short period of time, and then start again, you need to then enforce it again, but in an even tougher way.
If they continue to pressure you even after all of this, you may need to be firm on your decision and have a serious discussion about how they are harming the both of you.
You may also want to then mention how it is your choice, a private matter, and that they must stop, or you may have to stop seeing them for a while of they don’t.
Step 5: Open channels
When looking at how to deal with the pressure to have kids right after the wedding, the last and final step is to make sure that you and your husband continue to talk and be honest about your feelings.
You must also talk about the mind frame you are both currently in, and if either one of your thoughts changes, then you will need to talk about this.
This step will involve you and your husband to continue to discuss this over time and to be very open, honest, calm, and rational.
Remember, it is your choice to have kids, and you are able to decide when or if you want them.
Even if you are afraid that your decision will make your husband want a divorce, you should still not compromise on your beliefs. However, to put your mind at ease, you are both newlyweds and are madly in love.
It is up to the two of you to continue to nourish that love. However, just remember that he married you. He loves you for who you are. Lastly, he knows you better than anyone else does; meaning he probably already knows where you stand.
Plus, he will support your decision and respect you for decision and will make sure that the two of you can make it through these pressures and be happy.
