Ok, let me be brutally honest here.
Without compromise your attempt at a long distance relationship (LDR) will fail. The real secret to making a LDR work is by learning to lose some battles and being OK with that.
After having done a long distance relationship for a number of years in the past, I’ve come to the conclusion that although it is possible, there are a few adjustments and realizations you need to make in order for it to work.
Start by forgetting everything you have read so far on a LDR not being not possible. I’m living proof that it is, so if you are looking for inspiration you have come to the right place.
After you have hit reset mentally on whether this is possible, do yourself another favor and make sure that you are your partner are cool. Cool meaning, you guys don’t have any current problems that haven’t been sorted out or resolved. You can’t go into a LDR starting out in the negative, so make sure there are no current outstanding issues.
Do that now.
If you are trying to get her back and are dealing with a LDR that is blocking your path, then read this first.
Another caveat about doing a LDR is that the personalities between you and her need to be similar. In other words, if one of you is really shy and the other is an extrovert, that will likely fail because your lifestyles are different and that will become apparent since every detail is magnified in a LDR. However, if you are both on the same wavelength, then your chances increase dramatically because there’s a mutual understanding without having to say anything.
Another key component and probably the biggest of all is you have to have trust (obviously). No need to explain this further.
Every relationship has a certain communication frequency, but when you are dealing with distance all expectations need to be brought down. This isn’t easy, especially if you have established a level of frequency. You have to not bicker on the small things.
A quick test that I used was just asking myself if the issue didn’t matter tomorrow why bring it up at all? In most cases, I just let them go.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
She didn’t text you back right away, that’s ok. You trust her, right? So who cares. Now if it’s a consistent issue, that’s different.
Never ever ever have serious conversations over text or email.
If you find the conversation slipping out of control, just tell her, “Look, I believe there’s been a misunderstanding, I would like to resolve this on the phone or face to face (virtual or reality). What’s your schedule like today/this week?”
This shows you are mature, thoughtful and are willing to have a conversation. Most guys are blocked by their own pride & ego and automatically you show her without telling her that you are better than that.
I’ve found that the right technology, mentality and routines help make the process easier. I’ve outlined some of these below that’s worked for me.
Tools to use for a LDR:
- For face to face conversations: Skype/Zoom/FaceTime
- For staying in touch: Any messenger app, whatsapp, skype, or even facebook
- Your old dinner dates now become emails. Start learning to write thoughtful emails: A handwritten card weights 10x more than any jewelry piece you could ever get her in a long distance relationship and sometimes any relationship for that matter.
Adjusting your mentality:
- Set your expectations lower
- Don’t be glued to your phone, put it away once in awhile so you don’t force a habit of waiting to hear back from her
- Learn to lose arguments, sometimes the battle just isn’t worth it
- Don’t keep score or be even-steven with everything. You may text her more, but maybe her schedule isn’t the same as yours. Let. It. Go.
- Work on being patient
- Even if you are right, don’t beat a dead horse. Forgive her and move on. She will resent you after if you push her buttons.
- Have a routine of when you will Skype. Once a week? Once a day?
- If you can visit and it’s economically feasible, you should.
- Talk/text every morning and every night at least
When I did a LDR I didn’t even have a blackberry and Skype was just getting big. She lived on a island and the Internet was mediocre at best. Everything was dependent on consistency, emails and patience.
If we could get through that without having access to the technologies current today, then so can you.