I should have a magnet on my fridge that says, “You’re not the worst I’ve dated.” Seriously, you can’t imagine some of the losers I’ve had the misfortune of meeting.
But it isn’t always noticeable, is it? Sometimes you think you’re dating a great guy, but then later you realize he wasn’t really that great. Maybe it was love that blinded you (or sex…sex can be pretty blinding), or maybe it was just that he was so suave you didn’t notice until it was too late. Usually, I don’t notice because I don’t WANT to notice, I keep hoping the jerk will end up being a nice guy. I’ll tell you now, they never do.
Here are 20 signs you’re dating a loser (and you need to get rid of him quick!).
#1 He Walks in Front of You
Real men never walk in front of you unless it’s to open the door for you. If you’re dating a man who always walks in front of you, leaving you straggling behind trying to keep up, then you ought to know that this guy will always leave you behind.
He will never consider you his equal, he will never put you first, and he will not take your opinions and feelings into consideration because he puts himself ahead of you (and everyone else).
Now, if your guy occasionally walks ahead of you because he’s super excited over something (the ball game you’re heading to or the new video game he’s nerding over), that’s okay. But if you’re strolling through the park or walking through the museum – or just having an average day – and he walks in front of you, then he’s a loser.
#2 He Always Forgets His Wallet
A man who always forgets his wallet, or who never has money because “he’s saving up” for something, is a loser and you should get rid of him. If he cannot man up enough to pay for dinner and show you that he can be the bread-winner (or modern day “hunter” alpha male), then he’ll never man up and you’ll always be taking care of him. Really, don’t you want a man who will take care of you?
#3 He Never Asks About Your Feelings
Any man who really cares about you will care about how you feel and what you’re thinking. If you are dating a guy who never asks why you’re upset, doesn’t seem interested in how your day was, or couldn’t give a damn if you are feeling lonely tonight, then you’re not really dating. This guy is using you – probably for sex. He’s a loser and not only will he not care about your feelings, but he’ll wreck your heart if you keep him around.
#4 He’s Unsupportive
The first sign I’m not going to date someone is when I tell him I’m a writer and he doesn’t say “Really? What do you write?” If he has no interest in your job or your interests, then he’ll never support you in your endeavors.
More importantly, if you date a guy who says, “Wouldn’t you rather do (insert something random and high class here) instead?” then you know you’re dating a man who will never support you. My ex wanted me to switch college majors so he could tell his mom and dad I was a doctor and so he could “be proud of me.” Notice I said “ex,” right? Losers never support the real you.
#5 He is Never Available When You Need Help
Flat tire? PMS? Parent in the hospital? Your man is nowhere to be found…or too busy to show up. This is the kind of guy you don’t want in your life. He’ll never, ever be there for you.
#6 He’s Disrespectful of Your Family
It doesn’t matter how much my mom and I fight, if my guy disrespects her then the relationship will never work out. It’s imperative you recognize at the beginning that a real man will respect your family, even if he doesn’t like your family.
#7 He Accuses You of Cheating
Any guy who accuses you of cheating is a loser. More importantly, he’s going to be a jealous and controlling guy who is probably cheating on you and wants to somehow put the blame on you instead. If you’re with a guy who is jealous and full of irrational accusations, then you’re in an abusive relationship. His behavior will only get worse. Don’t stay with this man.
#8 He Puts the Guys Before You
Not all losers are outright jerks. I dated a guy who was very nice and sweet, but he always put the guys first. We were at the movies once and he left in the middle of the movie because his buddy called him! Of course, we dated six months and we didn’t have sex; later he ran off to Vegas with his buddy…so maybe I should have seen the signs. Still, even if your man isn’t playing for the other team, he still shouldn’t put the guys before you! If he does, he’s a loser and you will never come first in his life.
#9 He’s a Liar/Cheat in Life
I dated a man who tried to steal a book from the bookstore while I was with him. He said he was “an opportunist” who had no problems taking from large companies. In my opinion, that’s just a polite way of saying he’s a thief. If you’re dating an “opportunist” then you’re definitely dating a loser. Get rid of him; he’ll only cause you trouble later. Besides, you don’t want to get arrested because he’s a dumbass.
#10 He Talks Badly About His Mom
Any man who can easily talk badly about his mom or disrespect her will never have respect for you or any other woman in his life. A man’s first love is his mother; a man who does not love his mother is not really a man – he’s a loser.
That’s not saying he can’t argue with his mom or get upset when she drives him crazy once in a while, but if he’s degrading her or known to have ever hit her, then you really have to get rid of him now.
#11 He Doesn’t Have a Job
I don’t care what the economy is like, you can always get a job at McDonald’s. If your man is too good to flip burgers to provide for his family, then he’s a loser. It’s that simple.
#12 He’s Disrespectful of Women
Has he ever referred to a woman walking down the street as a “sl*t” because she’s in a short skirt? Has he ever said, “I’d like to punch her in the face” about a woman he doesn’t like? If this or anything similar has ever come out of your man’s mouth then you’re dating a loser.
Real men do not talk about hitting women or refer to women as sl*ts, wh*res, tramps, or anything else derogatory. Ever.
#13 He Treats You Badly During Sex
You’re dating a loser if you’re dating a man who is too aggressive and demanding in bed. If he’s more interested in his own orgasm and doesn’t care about yours, if he chokes you or pulls your hair knowing you don’t like it (or is otherwise purposefully aggressive) “just to be mean,” then he has to go. I had a lover get rough with me and when I said, “Hey, no I don’t like that,” he replied, “I was just being mean.” No man who respects you will ever be mean to you during sex.
I’m not talking about consensual bondage or BDSM; I’m referring to him just being a jerk in bed. If you’re dating a man who doesn’t care about your sexual feelings and preferences, then he’s a loser.
#14 He Treats You Badly After Sex
Equally as important, if he’s sweet as pie to you before you have sex, but then treats you badly right after sex, he’s a loser. If he jumps up and leaves right afterwards or is gone before you even have time to get dressed, then he’s not worth having around. Believe me, there are other men out there who will treat you right after sex because they’re smart enough to know that you might have sex with them again if they’re good to you.
#15 He Doesn’t Have Basic Manners
Does he burp loudly at a fancy restaurant? Is opening the door for you something he seems to think is outdated and unrealistic? Does he talk during a movie or answer his cell phone in the library? These are all things that show you he’s inconsiderate of those around him – including you.
#16 He’s Never Happy
If you are doing everything you can to please your man and he’s never happy with your efforts, then he’s a loser. First of all, you should never have to put in the effort to please a man (he should be pleasing you). Second, if he’s that dissatisfied then you’re never going to be able to make him happy.
Now, if he’s naturally unhappy and a pessimist about life in general, then he’s a loser and you need to get rid of him. Seriously, that kind of negative outlook will have a really bad impact on your relationship and his future endeavors.
#17 He Belittles You
Any man who talks down to you and makes you feel worthless is automatically a loser, but if he talks badly about you to his friends then he’s just as much a loser as well. The only reason a man would ever talk badly about you or belittle you to someone else is for his own ego boost. The kind of man who gets his own personal gratification by belittling you is not a man.
#18 He’s a Jerk to His Friends
Of course, it’s not just belittling you that makes a man a loser. If you have a guy who is a jerk to his friends and belittles them or talks badly about them, then you’re dating a loser. People don’t talk badly about their friends; they say good things about them. Friends encourage each other and help each other; they don’t bring each other down. If your man is being a jerk to his friends either in front of them or behind their back, then you can already see what kind of man he is.
#19 He Only Does What He Wants to Do
I have fallen into this loser trap so many times it’s not even funny. I’ll date a guy, I’ll go along with his plans…then we’ll make plans that I want to do and he’ll somehow find a way to cancel them or get too busy to make them happen. In other words, his plans are always more important than yours, and he will do whatever he can to make sure you remember that. This guy is not only a controlling ass, but most certainly a loser. It’s also a tough one to notice at first, so be wary.
#20 He’s Unaffectionate
Emotionally unavailable and “cold fish” men are losers that you need to stay away from. If he is not sensitive to your needs then he’s a jerk. If he can’t cuddle you after sex, hold your hand in the park (because “it feels too close”), or thinks that seeing you once a week is too needy of you, then he is certainly a loser and he’s only after sex or money. He’s using you for one reason or another. You have to get rid of him quick! More importantly, if he takes advantage of your emotions and then uses you, he’s a loser as well and you need to move on.
